keepingintouch

Monday, July 21, 2008

The Search Stressed Me Out
My prayers about the college search became frantic, anxious appeals to God.
Loryanna Markoya as told to Luke McFadden
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I stared at the photos on the colorful brochures from several state colleges. These students, with their enlightened yet carefree grins, looked like they were studying physics at Disney World. There they were, gleefully standing in their glossy academic fairyland, far away from the anxiety of their college search.

And there I was, trudging through my own college search. Far from smiling. Far from happy. Far, far away from any decision.

My search had begun during my junior year. I was confident, hopeful, even excited. After all, wasn't I being such a responsible student to start my search so early? And I'd prayed, asking God to guide me all along the way. I felt he would soon reveal his planned college for me.

Months later, in the middle of my senior year, I was still digging through piles of college materials—no closer to a decision than when I started.

As I sifted through brochures, talked to admissions counselors, and fidgeted over financial aid, my planning turned into worrying. My prayers about college became frantic, anxious appeals to God. To put it mildly, I was a stressed-out mess.
Indecision

One evening I decided to have a serious talk with Mom about my inability to make a decision. As I sat down on her bed and explained my dilemma, she seemed very concerned. She also wanted me to think carefully about the cost and location of any school I considered. She then suggested I look more seriously at the local state school.

"If you go there," she said gently, "we can afford to pay your tuition and keep you close to home."

"It would be nice to stay here and commute, but I've never been interested in that school," I responded. "It has a business major, but no pre-law concentration."

"We'll support you in whatever you decide to do, but attending State would make sense financially … and you would get to see your family."

I left Mom's room with a lot to think about. I was also still pretty unsure about what to do. While the local state university made sense financially and was close to home, I cringed as I pictured myself in the middle of 16,000 undergraduates at a well-known "party school." Besides, I wanted to study corporate law after college. To prepare, I needed a pre-law concentration within a business major. I couldn't get that at the local state school.
The School for Me?

By November, my room was starting to look like a guidance counselor's office. I had pile after pile of college brochures, catalogs and pamphlets. I read, called prospective schools, prayed and worried.

I felt like I was getting absolutely nowhere. Then I suddenly remembered an article about a place called Nyack College. I think my mom had clipped it from a magazine and given it to me sophomore year. Without paying much attention to it, I'd shoved it in my desk drawer and forgotten all about it. Until now.

I sat on my bed and read the article. I found out that Nyack was a small, Christian liberal arts college outside of New York City. It offered a business major, pre-law concentration and Christ-centered curriculum. A Christ-centered curriculum? I felt myself getting excited about the possibility of being taught by Christian professors who could help me understand how my faith fit into my studies and career plans.

What else could I want in a college? My prayers are being answered!

It didn't take me long to contact the school for more information.
Disappointment

When an information packet from Nyack arrived in the mail, I marched proudly into the living room and dropped the material on the coffee table in front of my parents.

"I found my home for the next four years and it's just outside of New York City!" I beamed. "Nyack is the Christian liberal arts school that has everything I want. All I need to do is apply and get accepted."

Mom and Dad listened patiently as I carried on about Nyack. Then it was Dad's turn to talk. Since he'd heard me mention Nyack a few days earlier, he'd already done some of his own research. He told me it sounded like a very good school, and the focus on faith also impressed him. What troubled him was the cost.

"Nyack costs $15,000 more than a state school," he said with concern in his voice. "We simply can't afford to pay for that kind of an education."

"Loryanna, I know your heart is set on Nyack right now, but don't rule out other possibilities quite yet," Mom said soothingly. "Let's pray about this more before making such a major decision."

I didn't know what to say. I knew Dad had a good point. And I was glad Mom was still praying about my decision. Even so, the conversation hadn't been all that hopeful. It just seemed like there was no way I'd be able to go to Nyack. I went to my room and logged onto the internet, hoping to escape my disappointment by surfing the web.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the chime of my instant messenger. It was Sarah. Over the past seven years, we had attended the same church and we'd also joined the church volleyball team together. She'd become one of my best friends. She also had an uncanny knack for being there when I needed her.

I sat in front of the screen and rapidly tapped out line after line about what was going on.

When I paused long enough to let Sarah respond, these words in cheery purple showed up on my screen:

Give it time and don't worry. God will show you what he wants. He has a plan.

It wasn't something I hadn't heard before. But this was Sarah. The friend who prayed for me every night. Her words were more than just words. I could sense the comfort and encouragement behind them.

When the IMing ceased for the night, I started praying:

"Lord God, I know you're in control, but it's so hard for me to give you this situation. I cannot control my future. You're the only one who knows what's best. Let your will be done, and I know you will provide for me if you want me to go to Nyack."

In the days that followed, I sat down with the Nyack application and worked from blank to blank with a sense that God did know what was best for me. Maybe he didn't want me at Nyack. Maybe he did. I'd at least do my part and wait and see.

It didn't take long to find out what Nyack thought about it all. About a week after I sent my application, a fat envelope showed up in the mail. I'd been accepted! But the smile on my face melted away as I once again thought about the cost. It still seemed to stand in the way. But if it was God's will… .
Snags and Gritted Teeth

Even though my parents were still very concerned about the cost and the distance, they helped me apply for financial aid. Nyack awarded me a $9,000 grant! The tuition cost was significantly chopped down. Even so, the total amount still seemed too high. Mom and Dad strongly encouraged me to apply to the local state school. So I did, reluctantly.

It was a complicated application—and there was one major snag. They required certificates to verify completion of my home-school math courses. I went into the admissions office and tried to reason with the director.

"You don't have the appropriate documentation," he said tersely. "You must retake pre-calculus to receive credit."

I was so upset. I had a 3.7 GPA and could have held my own in calculus. I gritted my teeth and thought about the irony of my situation. This school never appealed to me, but here I was, pleading with them. Meanwhile, an acceptance letter for the school of my dreams was collecting dust in my room.

It was time to have another talk with my parents.
God Would Provide

This time I felt more at ease and confident as I explained my heartfelt desire to attend Nyack. I told my parents I felt God really was calling me there.

"I'm a Christian," I stressed, "and I want to pursue business and law in a Christian environment. Nyack has the program I want… . I don't care how much I have to work to help pay for my education. I need a Christian environment."

Mom and Dad sat back in their chairs and were quiet for a moment. For the first time, I sensed something different. This wasn't an uncomfortable, "there's just no way" kind of quiet. It was a "we've got to think this through" quiet. Eventually they said they'd support my decision, and try their best to help me out financially.

As it turned out, my parents weren't the only ones willing to help. Not long after our talk, a family friend found out about my financial needs and gave me $2,000 toward tuition. God was providing!
Just What I Need

Nyack turned out to be the best place for me. My business professors became my mentors and friends who encouraged me to build professional skills on my spiritual foundation. With their guidance and encouragement, I have committed myself to become a woman of integrity, even in a so-called "cutthroat" career. I also made many great friends at Nyack. Not only were they friends, they also became my study partners and counselors! Along with all the fun times we've had together, they've encouraged me in my walk with Christ and helped me grow in my faith. I know I will never forget them.

If I could warp back to my senior year of high school, I would tell myself to relax. I would remind myself that patience, trust and faith are valuable virtues that work well together. During the worst times, worry cheated me out of joy. But God was in complete control of every detail. He always is. He does not have money problems and he knows what's best for me.

I couldn't have found a better place.

whisperings of nature